Come the Holiday season it seems everyone gets caught up in the hustle and bustle. All be it the seemingly never endless shopping, or planning the perfect party — from dress, menu, and ambiance. to invitee’s and traditions — the holiday’s bring about a sense of urgency and anxiety gift wrapped with a pretty spirally bow — then perfectly finished with a heavy-handed sprinkling of Paxil, Prozac, and Xanax.

This year we looked forward to the Thanksgiving and Christmas related inquiries from our reader’s — begging even pleading for our help. So to thee fellow “Holidazed” I say unto you — RELAX!!!!!  It’s only a few days of your entire heinous New England winter, you’ll survive!!! I beseech thee to stand up, leave thy padded rooms, unclench thy white knuckled kung-foo grip on your unrealistic expectations — and come celebrate that which makes even the burliest of men cry, and the mother of 6 natural birthed Satan spawned hellions — hit her knees in  fervent prayer that, ALL WILL LIVE TO SEE NEXT YEAR!

Our first of the  Family First Aid  countdown to Thanksgiving Theatrics and Christmas Chaos comes from The Niece of a NOSY NANNA and read as follows:

I am 28 and a fellow New Englander. I was briefly married for 5 years. A marriage that ended horribly a year and a half ago. My ex was a man I was barely familiar with as an adult. We knew each other from summers spent in Cape Cod. Many family member’s had a great helping hand in a “first love /summer romance” becomes a beach wedding. My whirlwind wedding was a catastrophic mess!!! My family threw this mistake of a lifetime after 35 whole sun up to sun down filled days. We had the essentials of course, a cake, a white’ish dress, the groom, an officiates prompt’s — in which to repeat “Our Vows of Doom” . And all the abundance of tulle and sand one could handle.  POINT BLANK — IT WAS A MISTAKE, A BIG ONE……

christmas nosy

The beauty of this mistake is my daughter Reese. Thus the reason for the whirlwind…. Though I was in no rush, my family — and his upstanding citizens of the upper Cape Side family name “NEED STAY IN TACT”……   Talk about cliché, and embarrassing…..

The divorce that sent my mother into a reeling depression, and my grandmother “NANNA” into what feels like a “who done it?” “find a hubby mission” reality television marathon from HELL……

My holiday season is now filled with set-up’s, and un ending banter about exactly what I am missing out on. Along with the occasional disservice to my daughter statement or twenty. HELP !!!!!! They will suck every last drop of holiday spirit from my body if I cannot find a way out of this reoccurring nightmare. How do I fend of the “Family that steals Christmas” all while maintaining that my daughter and I are okay, thriving, and above all else HAPPY!!!!!

Sincerely: Cindy Loo Hoo in Misery MA.

To Our dearest : Family Charity case,

Before you get ready to plunge the minora straight into your chest, or redirect the stockings and hang yourself with care — TAKE A SEAT……..It’s NOT that bad…

From our experience there’s one in every family.. In your case YOU my dear are the 1%. Here is your Holiday TO DO LIST!!!!

  • SPIKE THE EGGNOG! — Not kidding seriously load those lushes up on something other than your last month depicted through “spoken word”.
  • HIDE ALL MISTLETOE & MISTLETOE RELATED DECOR — Also not a joke, give them NOTHING in which to catch you off guard…..
  • BRING EVIDENCE — Clearly the cheery cold wind kissed cheeks, you and your daughter arrive wearing IS NOT ENOUGH…. So bring pictures and or VIDEO <– always better than a photo of all the things HAPPY and happiness related.
  • BRING BACK UP — Seriously whether a rented date, or a friend who is sublime in diversionary tactics — help to ward off the praying pry-monsters is always a good choice.
  • BE HONEST, BE HONEST, BE HONEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did I mention the BE HONEST part? Sitting down before a meal “Give thanks that your family may finally see that Reese and yourself have found happiness in the comforts and reliability of your relationship with each other.” NEVER let on to even a hint of dissatisfaction. If ALL ELSE FAILS FAKE IT!!!!

Try having an honest conversation with said “nosy Nana’s and prying parent’s” — easier said than done I am sure. I do believe that a well spoken, and thought out, multiply versed and rehearsed monologue — when applied at just the right moment — is always a win.

Explain the reason’s you feel no need for a man or his opinion at this point in the lives of you and Reese, even why having one could be a detriment if “said beau” is not the right one. Explain that right now teaching Reese about being able to care for herself and be reliant on herself and herself alone is one of the greatest gifts you feel you could give her.

JUST TELL THE TRUTH…. Tell them how all the constant questioning, and “set-ups” are hindering your personal growth. SHOW THEM how it is impeding on the values, and goals you have set.

BUT NEVER FORGET that they as your family and friends ALSO need a place…… They need to feel as though they contribute to your lives in some way. They need to feel a sense of belonging in the life “they know they had a hand in ruining.” It may not have occurred to you — mostly because I know it had rarely occurred to me, that your family may also feel a sense of guilt! They know the part they played — they watched your world build and crumble before it had a chance to set roots. They may feel inclined to right their wrongs. Showing them your foundation is solid, simply because you are setting the bar high, and accepting nothing less — is not a character flaw, it’s truthful. Allowing them to see the roots you have grown since the divorce will enlighten even their darkest opinion of you — and your life. But that is where it’s tricky because you must actually allow them in. Privacy IS a necessity, but building a wall of Jericho proportions, will only make them knock harder, climb higher, and become more concerned.

LAST RESORT — Go back to steps 1-3 of the TO DO list this time double the rum!!!!!!!

Creating memories of the holiday’s for Reese, and yourself WITH Reese revolves around so many variables. Family is always key to that equation. Perhaps the old “idle hands” quote may also apply to “idle lips” as well — maybe attempt to fill that time-void with activities geared toward strengthening these bonds.


Sincerely: Heather Cornell



Wanna know one thing Christians can learn from Science?

Interesting read for sure. It is food for thought of at the very least. I think many find that every days realizations, and or lessons — somehow always seem to trace back to something non-science based — and more, History, Tradition, and FAITH based. Be it faith in oneself, or a higher power or otherwise. It seems by faith, and that which is entwined in our mental notes from life — birth to now — we find ourselves continually revisiting fundamentals — learned during and throughout our upbringing. Sometimes simple common sense comparison, is ALL it takes to separate — and help us remember the differences and similarities — between, Science and CONSCIENCE….


sillhouette seduction


Another day another dollar — or in my case 2$ bill tips to be made, RIGHT? Well not today!!!!! This day I would learn the complexity of this business on a whole other level. Things I would have never imagined could be real — on this day became a harsh reality — I truly wished I’d never borne witness to, worse yet been a part of.

So now its been almost 3 weeks working at this “GENTLEMEN’S  Club” and although I have the layout, rotation, “back story” and A LOT of the backstabbing and treachery figured out — I still don’t quite feel like things are “NORMAL” — whatever the hell normal is   in my life these days… I wake up depressed, tired, and honestly sick to my stomach. I am anxiety ridden and mostly just sick of this bullshit excuse for job…. This day was no exception

Desiré a.k.a stage-name – “DESIRE” — astonishing brainiac thought process huh?  “Way to shy away from your true identity, I mean ” HEY taking away that little mark over the e,  who’s job is showing us how to enunciate DEZ- aH-RAY — I mean C’mon  — that’s just EPIC-LY frickin genius….  After-all you wouldn’t want us to assume that there used to be a WRONG diacritical mark above your……shhhhh “real name, now would you?”!!!!!”

Moving on… “DESIRE” was the ( new kid on the satellite stage ) on this day, though you’d never know it. But more about that after. Anyway upon being ahem “asked” by one of my bosses to show her the ropes — my  heart sank,. I surely had NO “DESIRE”, to have any part of some innocent girls Pasty Clad Demise. Besides I need money to raise my children, never mind the daughter of my boss. That’s right his daughter((DISGUSTING)) — even more disturbing — SHE WAS THERE BY CHOICE?

In order for me to paint you a mental picture of this modern-day Daisy May meets Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider version) I really have to dig deep, ya know? Hmm what are the right descriptive words for the “Princess of Pasties”?   Let’s go with – she was a beautiful yet innocent soul with amber speckled eyes….Ah Shenanigans, Tomfoolery, and a bunch of Hog-washed hoopla– (<–nutshell, that is a load of GRADE A BULLSHIT.  Now how do I  convey the TRUE wonders of this girl — and the world that is her mind — in a semi brief summation? HELL I’ll give it a shot…Here we go!

Okay so “DESIRE” was a 24-year-old beautiful brainless bitch — yup that’s about it. Spoiled, with a very strong taste for the “finer things in life”, in other words —  she was likely fed  her Gerber from a platinum spoon . She had a vexing, stuck up, the world owes her type of attitude.  And now this doe eyed Barbie drone was suddenly “My responsibility?” I was harshly given the instructions as follows

  • Watch her like a hawk! Don’t want to have to use her tips to bail her out… <– He couldn’t be serious. Right?
  • Don’t let her wander off to explore! <– Meaning “if you are in a situation where you are about to make money, and Bambi heads to a VIP room without supervision — stop, lose money, and chase her down. God help me for thinking ” I wish she were Bambi’s mom instead.” With all the camouflage in the building (thank you turkeyhunting season) someone was sure to have great aim, slip him a $20 a lap dance, and few  free beers = NIGHTMARE OVER” I KNOW I KNOW shame on me whatever, judgement comes with the territory of being a Sin-Dustry employee….
  • Keep her away from.. Insert names of insidious, surreptitious, deceitful, doe eyed devouring she-devils here __________       ___________ & _______________!
  • Push her toward the wealthy ones, with a tendency for easy enchantment, and of course the gravitational pull toward the “newbies”
  • Above all else  — help her make money!!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           “UMMM wow okay boss-man” “To wrap my head around this I am now babysitter/mamma-pimp/going home virtually broke?” I thought to myself. GET BENT!!!!!!! Of course I never uttered those words, but I definitely was NOT here for an X-rated childcare gig — I need cash, and “Bambi”, apparently needed a “coke-fix”… “Awesome, I am in plaid parading pervert, neon netted nit wit, make-up muddled money hungry, horny-fool HELL !” But off to the bathroom we went to “tend to her nasal needs” —  I sat and watched this barely breasted, baby Barbie, go through the motions of drug prep, set, and go like a pro…. A quick little Long Island Ice Tea zanax-ecstasy- stimulate of choice -like concoction — and she WAS READY…..

DESIRE was on fire, she took to the stage like she had done it a million times before. flips, and slow-rolls, floor-work and tricks, even I at three weeks in, couldn’t pull this crap off with half the sultry yet graceful sex appeal she exuded. What an ego buster….Once her stage sets were finished, she sprang to the floor, bounce, and all — like Tigger on a binger. Carefully scoping the room, disregarding my advice, and direction completely. Fixating on the wealthiest man available  with her sights set —  off she flew. “F*** my life right now, this can’t be real –wake up, oh please wake up!” I pleaded with my very awake, very coherent, very perplexed brain.

The last straw was when she turned to me and said — and I quote “Listen you used up, pitiful excuse for a mother, woman, and dancer. My daddy owns this club, and three more. I know more about this business than you ever will. I don’t need your guidance Mother Theresa — what I need…. Is for you to F*** OFF!!!! The money I make today, will finance my new set of perfect D-cups!!!!

Is she for real? So far she had broken”virtually” every rule possible in under 4 hours I had completely had ENOUGH!!!! Into the boss-man’s office I marched, and with shaking knees, a legion of angry butterflies reenacting “Mortal Kombat” in my belly — and a well thought out stiff drink, and double shot of good ole’ Jack Daniels to help me pipe up — I told him that “he could take this job and stick it up his lazy, extra large, worn leather office chair, button imprinted, recliner shaped ass, and that I  hoped once in hell — he would be showered with gasoline every time the pain eased up even just a bit!”

Then I burst into tears like a toddler, and blamed my monthly visitor Aunt Flow, and returned to work.  ” Gosh why the hell can’t I walk away?” echoed endlessly in my mind….. Apparently my other voice, the one of reality and reason whispered “because it’s all you have, and your kids need to eat you selfish bitch — now get back to making money..” And yes I truly felt guilty about “almost quitting”, like working in that environment was a privilege or something — I know sick and twisted right? Well sadly that was just the beginning of voyage into warped thinking 101, with the Sin-dustry as my teacher…….

Survival of the fittest I guess, maybe some are just made to be soulless, non-conscientious, merciless, wretched, ravenous, spirit-crushing, sub-human’s by nature… But I prefer to believe there IS a better, and purer version that speaks the universal language of compassion, empathy, and love. For that is far better than the alternative……

HOPE IS ALL I HAVE — FAITH is my strength, even in my weakness, PERSERVERENCE is my mind-set — FREEDOM and STABILITY are my goal….

Till then heavy-hearted, shadowy grey slated dreams await me on the lumpy side of my pillow.

Told by:Heather Cornell

sexy oin up