Special local mans S.O.S for help with his 10 year wedding anniversary

loving-hearts-diamond-anniversary-giant-banner-LOVHGBANN5_P62

A Fall River man recently asked his friends and acquaintances on a social media outlet for help. His dilemma is a common one. We decided to give him a little help.

He wrote:

” I need help with an economical 10th anniversary idea. Keep in mind my wife’s birthday is 2 days before.”

We got you covered man………

There is some debate over the actual  ” proper gift ” associated with a 10 year anniversary. Many feel it is a gift of tin or aluminium. while the modern representation is a diamond…..

Diamond

Don’t let funds or lack thereof make the decision for you.

When approaching your decennial day of marital bliss, you’re probably realizing – it’s been ten years of marriage and you’re still in love ……… Thank each other!!!!

Funky aromas,bad habits, mood swings, career chaos, and kid-tastrophes aside – YOU CHOSE to let your spouse love you exactly the way you are, exactly how only they know how to.

These days that is the exception not the rule. Now comes the easy stuff right?

Not so easy when two important dates to celebrate fall within a 72 hour period.

Between the financial responsibilities, and necessary though expensive big ticket purchases ie: A house, college funds, student debt,or  a new car, finding extra cash for such occasions might seem impossible..With drained bank accounts, and our children dependent on pesky things like clothing, food, and water – we often feel financially defeated with little reason or desire to celebrate.

So how does a monetarily challenged couple invest in each other on a shoestring budget?

First relax…… You’re still married. …

My guess is that chances are after 10 years of struggling, surviving, and loving, arguing, bickering, and making up…… They are to tired to divorce you. So let’s make it as special and wallet friendly as possible.

The Diamond anniversary is a daunting one for the one in charge of selecting and buying said diamond. Expectations, taste, size, color, cut, clarity – all factor in. Oh yeah, then that whole money issue slaps your selection back to reality. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP.  Try a different approach. Set a new trend, or begin a new tradition.

If 10 years is where your union has brought you, It carries no more or less value with a gem or precious metal. Instead think of the next 5 or even 10 years as a challenge to set attainable and realistic financial goals. You’ve done the adult thing, you’ve done the foundation setting. Now to build that commemorative condo….

Select the diamond, setting, and wearable backdrop. Open an account “specifically for investing in each other.” Do the math. What you would need to save weekly monthly, and yearly in order to purchase the perfect solitaire. COMMIT to investing that amount NO MATTER WHAT.

  • Skip the extra coffee or fast food.
  • Collect cans or bottles.
  • Panhandle with handmade cardboard signs stating your cause.
  • Answer questions daily for a fee.

Before you realize it, you’ve created a habit that taps into your creative side of making extra cash, as well as gets the job done. You have put in actual “work” for the soul purpose of celebrating your spouse. One might find that far more impressive and meaningful than Googles suggestions.

Plus by the time your 5 or 10 year incremental investment pays off, you’ve successfully achieved another 5-10 years of holy matrimony –  finding yourself doubly exhausted and 2 times less likely to divorce…

Start Untraditional Traditions. Think outside the box, something specific to your relationship. Is there a place, or secret shared desire or memory that creates an urgency and joy in you both? Use it to start an anniversary tradition catered to the TWO OF YOU.

“Fine Wine”

Tin

A tin or aluminium tub, inexpensive at most dollar stores or craft stores. A bottle of her favorite wine, or his fave spirit adds a personalized touch to whatever you do on that special day. At the very least you’ll have a buzz – hopefully forgetting the diamond…. Also check out great deals on couples adventures wine tasting, museums and more with sites such as Living Social,  and Groupon.

“Student Spa”

Students everywhere,always need two things MONEY, and EXPERIENCE. Experience usually in the form of hours practicing their intended trade. if possible inquire to your area’s local cosmetology and massage schools. Explain what you are trying to do – preferably to the younger hopelessly romantic, and the over 35 , wedding bandless women as they are more apt to go the extra mile to make you look good just for trying.

*Each year captured*

Book'

Family portraits can become costly…. A handful of poses, backgrounds, and outfit changes. Nevermind the posed and forced “No we’re not constipated, we really do love each other.” captured by an inexperienced photographer.

However the idea of capturing your love, marriage, and commitment annually is still an incredible way to visually recollect the two of you as you change and grow, age, and forget, – year after year.

Hire a freelance photographer, or student to follow you and the hubby or wife around on your date night. Candid shots that actually SHOW your love in it’s purest form tell an actual story. You are far more likely to recall the events of the night and time period of your relationship, with a unintentionally captured forehead kiss or dinner disaster.

Enroll the help of family, friends, church, and community. Ask them to submit a funny, sweet, or favorite memory of your coupledom. Put the memories in a jar with the year sharpied, painted, even etched on it.  On your anniversary date, at no specific times throughout the night draw a random memory and discuss, laugh, cry, whatever you crazy kids do the more you age…. Someone else’s memories and view of you could give perspective, and validity to aspects or times you may have forgotten about. ENJOY THEM!!!!!!

To take things even a step further start traditions that start traditions….

Make yourselves a FATEBOOK. 

Still fall in love

( Design, buy, or craft a place to store a daily contribution to your future.)

We live in a very socially involved world, however our partner is not a deletable, blockable, deactivatable virtual partner. They are our TOP 8 all in one, Our best follower etc. TREAT THEM BETTER THAN YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA FRIENDS – We lose sight of how easily our attention is shifted from our actual future, to today’s  #firstworldproblems and Obama’s lunch.

If we can post statuses faithfully, or change our profile pics regularly for people who don’t pay our bills, or put up with our crap by loving all our imperfections – we can certainly keep our partner updated on how they make us feel, or give the extra assurance needed for a job. We easily comment, like, and share other peoples events, and unimportant or irrelevant memes and silliness. Somehow in the midst of all this sharing and caring we inadvertently sign out of chat with our partner.

Sometimes a compliment or special I love you tailored to their day is all they need to nail an interview, have more patience with the kids, or not burn your dinner……. Again…….

Secrets, sweetness, gentle easy and judgement, duty free sentences, pictures, quotes, etc. purposefully drafted, chronicled in a daily correspondence FOR JUST THE TWO OF YOU, is one of the best intimacy exercises a couple can practice. For relationship muscles and emotional strength.

(Put the book somewhere you’ll SEE IT, put it in the way of something necessary or important.

Want clean underwear? INVEST IN YOUR WIFE !

Want coffee? Now? Invest in your husband!

If you have to store your entry on something like Google Docs, Drive, Keep etc. When your busy days intersect, STOP…. Commit to 5 whole minutes in which to write those thoughts in YOUR FATEBOOK.

( If you like the results start a datebook for your kids, have them record some thoughts about their love lives early on. Viewing their own and their dates behaviour in writing, adds an introspective element to a difficult time for many teens.)

As busy as we are it should not have to be a chore to love our partners COMPLETELY. Gaining a stronger relationship is never a bad investment. Any time spent building up our partner is the equivalent of laminating  or framing those moments. Remember to update your Fatebook photo’s monthly. Try using this questionnaire every year on your wedding anniversary to help keep and organize the details of that year as well as a record of your marital and personal growth. HERE 

Your love story isnt about how many years you survived… It’s a gift to find a soulmate. All the moments you deliberately put effort into each others growth, all the second glances just because, the hugs because you actually know what the other NEEDS…. THAT is how you create your love story. That is worth celebrating.

Eliminated regret by attentiveness and intimacy uproot the vines of division that separate you. Instead EXPLORE THE VINEYARD TOGETHER –  The taste though aged, will be sweeter when you toast your Golden Anniversary.

  • Heather Cornell

heather

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“NONE OF your FAMILIE’S BUSINESS”

 

Come the Holiday season it seems everyone gets caught up in the hustle and bustle. All be it the seemingly never endless shopping, or planning the perfect party — from dress, menu, and ambiance. to invitee’s and traditions — the holiday’s bring about a sense of urgency and anxiety gift wrapped with a pretty spirally bow — then perfectly finished with a heavy-handed sprinkling of Paxil, Prozac, and Xanax.

This year we looked forward to the Thanksgiving and Christmas related inquiries from our reader’s — begging even pleading for our help. So to thee fellow “Holidazed” I say unto you — RELAX!!!!!  It’s only a few days of your entire heinous New England winter, you’ll survive!!! I beseech thee to stand up, leave thy padded rooms, unclench thy white knuckled kung-foo grip on your unrealistic expectations — and come celebrate that which makes even the burliest of men cry, and the mother of 6 natural birthed Satan spawned hellions — hit her knees in  fervent prayer that, ALL WILL LIVE TO SEE NEXT YEAR!

Our first of the  Family First Aid  countdown to Thanksgiving Theatrics and Christmas Chaos comes from The Niece of a NOSY NANNA and read as follows:

I am 28 and a fellow New Englander. I was briefly married for 5 years. A marriage that ended horribly a year and a half ago. My ex was a man I was barely familiar with as an adult. We knew each other from summers spent in Cape Cod. Many family member’s had a great helping hand in a “first love /summer romance” becomes a beach wedding. My whirlwind wedding was a catastrophic mess!!! My family threw this mistake of a lifetime after 35 whole sun up to sun down filled days. We had the essentials of course, a cake, a white’ish dress, the groom, an officiates prompt’s — in which to repeat “Our Vows of Doom” . And all the abundance of tulle and sand one could handle.  POINT BLANK — IT WAS A MISTAKE, A BIG ONE……

christmas nosy

The beauty of this mistake is my daughter Reese. Thus the reason for the whirlwind…. Though I was in no rush, my family — and his upstanding citizens of the upper Cape Side family name “NEED STAY IN TACT”……   Talk about cliché, and embarrassing…..

The divorce that sent my mother into a reeling depression, and my grandmother “NANNA” into what feels like a “who done it?” “find a hubby mission” reality television marathon from HELL……

My holiday season is now filled with set-up’s, and un ending banter about exactly what I am missing out on. Along with the occasional disservice to my daughter statement or twenty. HELP !!!!!! They will suck every last drop of holiday spirit from my body if I cannot find a way out of this reoccurring nightmare. How do I fend of the “Family that steals Christmas” all while maintaining that my daughter and I are okay, thriving, and above all else HAPPY!!!!!

Sincerely: Cindy Loo Hoo in Misery MA.

To Our dearest : Family Charity case,

Before you get ready to plunge the minora straight into your chest, or redirect the stockings and hang yourself with care — TAKE A SEAT……..It’s NOT that bad…

From our experience there’s one in every family.. In your case YOU my dear are the 1%. Here is your Holiday TO DO LIST!!!!

  • SPIKE THE EGGNOG! — Not kidding seriously load those lushes up on something other than your last month depicted through “spoken word”.
  • HIDE ALL MISTLETOE & MISTLETOE RELATED DECOR — Also not a joke, give them NOTHING in which to catch you off guard…..
  • BRING EVIDENCE — Clearly the cheery cold wind kissed cheeks, you and your daughter arrive wearing IS NOT ENOUGH…. So bring pictures and or VIDEO <– always better than a photo of all the things HAPPY and happiness related.
  • BRING BACK UP — Seriously whether a rented date, or a friend who is sublime in diversionary tactics — help to ward off the praying pry-monsters is always a good choice.
  • BE HONEST, BE HONEST, BE HONEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did I mention the BE HONEST part? Sitting down before a meal “Give thanks that your family may finally see that Reese and yourself have found happiness in the comforts and reliability of your relationship with each other.” NEVER let on to even a hint of dissatisfaction. If ALL ELSE FAILS FAKE IT!!!!

Try having an honest conversation with said “nosy Nana’s and prying parent’s” — easier said than done I am sure. I do believe that a well spoken, and thought out, multiply versed and rehearsed monologue — when applied at just the right moment — is always a win.

Explain the reason’s you feel no need for a man or his opinion at this point in the lives of you and Reese, even why having one could be a detriment if “said beau” is not the right one. Explain that right now teaching Reese about being able to care for herself and be reliant on herself and herself alone is one of the greatest gifts you feel you could give her.

JUST TELL THE TRUTH…. Tell them how all the constant questioning, and “set-ups” are hindering your personal growth. SHOW THEM how it is impeding on the values, and goals you have set.

BUT NEVER FORGET that they as your family and friends ALSO need a place…… They need to feel as though they contribute to your lives in some way. They need to feel a sense of belonging in the life “they know they had a hand in ruining.” It may not have occurred to you — mostly because I know it had rarely occurred to me, that your family may also feel a sense of guilt! They know the part they played — they watched your world build and crumble before it had a chance to set roots. They may feel inclined to right their wrongs. Showing them your foundation is solid, simply because you are setting the bar high, and accepting nothing less — is not a character flaw, it’s truthful. Allowing them to see the roots you have grown since the divorce will enlighten even their darkest opinion of you — and your life. But that is where it’s tricky because you must actually allow them in. Privacy IS a necessity, but building a wall of Jericho proportions, will only make them knock harder, climb higher, and become more concerned.

LAST RESORT — Go back to steps 1-3 of the TO DO list this time double the rum!!!!!!!

Creating memories of the holiday’s for Reese, and yourself WITH Reese revolves around so many variables. Family is always key to that equation. Perhaps the old “idle hands” quote may also apply to “idle lips” as well — maybe attempt to fill that time-void with activities geared toward strengthening these bonds.

ABOVE ALL ELSE HAVE A VERY BLESSED HOLIDAY SEASON……….. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!

Sincerely: Heather Cornell

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Wanna know one thing Christians can learn from Science?

Interesting read for sure. It is food for thought of at the very least. I think many find that every days realizations, and or lessons — somehow always seem to trace back to something non-science based — and more, History, Tradition, and FAITH based. Be it faith in oneself, or a higher power or otherwise. It seems by faith, and that which is entwined in our mental notes from life — birth to now — we find ourselves continually revisiting fundamentals — learned during and throughout our upbringing. Sometimes simple common sense comparison, is ALL it takes to separate — and help us remember the differences and similarities — between, Science and CONSCIENCE….

Pasture-ized

Substitute teaching has taught me another lesson.  The school system I’m in is an alternative learning place. There are two teachers in every classroom.  So when I sub there’s an educational professional in there too.

A couple of weeks ago I was in with a science teacher named Pam Foster.  She had written a recommendation for one of the students to be on a robotics team.  One particular accolade intrigued me: “He is good at letting go of unsuccessful hypotheses.”

If I remember correctly, a hypothesis is an educated guess.  It’s a theory scientists come up with based on knowledge in their fields.  An experiment is performed to either validate or refute it. Science students are regularly given a scenario and instructed to offer a hypothesis.  For instance, if you drop a bowling ball and a baseball from a window three stories high, which will hit the ground first?  You…

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STRIPPING, FACT AND FICTION REVEALED THROUGH THE MEMOIR’S OF A SIN-DUSTRY NEWBIE…..Part 3

sillhouette seduction

WEEK # 3       “THE COAL-MINOR’S DAUGHTER”

Another day another dollar — or in my case 2$ bill tips to be made, RIGHT? Well not today!!!!! This day I would learn the complexity of this business on a whole other level. Things I would have never imagined could be real — on this day became a harsh reality — I truly wished I’d never borne witness to, worse yet been a part of.

So now its been almost 3 weeks working at this “GENTLEMEN’S  Club” and although I have the layout, rotation, “back story” and A LOT of the backstabbing and treachery figured out — I still don’t quite feel like things are “NORMAL” — whatever the hell normal is   in my life these days… I wake up depressed, tired, and honestly sick to my stomach. I am anxiety ridden and mostly just sick of this bullshit excuse for job…. This day was no exception

Desiré a.k.a stage-name – “DESIRE” — astonishing brainiac thought process huh?  “Way to shy away from your true identity, I mean ” HEY taking away that little mark over the e,  who’s job is showing us how to enunciate DEZ- aH-RAY — I mean C’mon  — that’s just EPIC-LY frickin genius….  After-all you wouldn’t want us to assume that there used to be a WRONG diacritical mark above your……shhhhh “real name, now would you?”!!!!!”

Moving on… “DESIRE” was the ( new kid on the satellite stage ) on this day, though you’d never know it. But more about that after. Anyway upon being ahem “asked” by one of my bosses to show her the ropes — my  heart sank,. I surely had NO “DESIRE”, to have any part of some innocent girls Pasty Clad Demise. Besides I need money to raise my children, never mind the daughter of my boss. That’s right his daughter((DISGUSTING)) — even more disturbing — SHE WAS THERE BY CHOICE?

In order for me to paint you a mental picture of this modern-day Daisy May meets Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider version) I really have to dig deep, ya know? Hmm what are the right descriptive words for the “Princess of Pasties”?   Let’s go with – she was a beautiful yet innocent soul with amber speckled eyes….Ah Shenanigans, Tomfoolery, and a bunch of Hog-washed hoopla– (<–nutshell, that is a load of GRADE A BULLSHIT.  Now how do I  convey the TRUE wonders of this girl — and the world that is her mind — in a semi brief summation? HELL I’ll give it a shot…Here we go!

Okay so “DESIRE” was a 24-year-old beautiful brainless bitch — yup that’s about it. Spoiled, with a very strong taste for the “finer things in life”, in other words —  she was likely fed  her Gerber from a platinum spoon . She had a vexing, stuck up, the world owes her type of attitude.  And now this doe eyed Barbie drone was suddenly “My responsibility?” I was harshly given the instructions as follows

  • Watch her like a hawk! Don’t want to have to use her tips to bail her out… <– He couldn’t be serious. Right?
  • Don’t let her wander off to explore! <– Meaning “if you are in a situation where you are about to make money, and Bambi heads to a VIP room without supervision — stop, lose money, and chase her down. God help me for thinking ” I wish she were Bambi’s mom instead.” With all the camouflage in the building (thank you turkeyhunting season) someone was sure to have great aim, slip him a $20 a lap dance, and few  free beers = NIGHTMARE OVER” I KNOW I KNOW shame on me whatever, judgement comes with the territory of being a Sin-Dustry employee….
  • Keep her away from.. Insert names of insidious, surreptitious, deceitful, doe eyed devouring she-devils here __________       ___________ & _______________!
  • Push her toward the wealthy ones, with a tendency for easy enchantment, and of course the gravitational pull toward the “newbies”
  • Above all else  — help her make money!!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           “UMMM wow okay boss-man” “To wrap my head around this I am now babysitter/mamma-pimp/going home virtually broke?” I thought to myself. GET BENT!!!!!!! Of course I never uttered those words, but I definitely was NOT here for an X-rated childcare gig — I need cash, and “Bambi”, apparently needed a “coke-fix”… “Awesome, I am in plaid parading pervert, neon netted nit wit, make-up muddled money hungry, horny-fool HELL !” But off to the bathroom we went to “tend to her nasal needs” —  I sat and watched this barely breasted, baby Barbie, go through the motions of drug prep, set, and go like a pro…. A quick little Long Island Ice Tea zanax-ecstasy- stimulate of choice -like concoction — and she WAS READY…..

DESIRE was on fire, she took to the stage like she had done it a million times before. flips, and slow-rolls, floor-work and tricks, even I at three weeks in, couldn’t pull this crap off with half the sultry yet graceful sex appeal she exuded. What an ego buster….Once her stage sets were finished, she sprang to the floor, bounce, and all — like Tigger on a binger. Carefully scoping the room, disregarding my advice, and direction completely. Fixating on the wealthiest man available  with her sights set —  off she flew. “F*** my life right now, this can’t be real –wake up, oh please wake up!” I pleaded with my very awake, very coherent, very perplexed brain.

The last straw was when she turned to me and said — and I quote “Listen you used up, pitiful excuse for a mother, woman, and dancer. My daddy owns this club, and three more. I know more about this business than you ever will. I don’t need your guidance Mother Theresa — what I need…. Is for you to F*** OFF!!!! The money I make today, will finance my new set of perfect D-cups!!!!

Is she for real? So far she had broken”virtually” every rule possible in under 4 hours I had completely had ENOUGH!!!! Into the boss-man’s office I marched, and with shaking knees, a legion of angry butterflies reenacting “Mortal Kombat” in my belly — and a well thought out stiff drink, and double shot of good ole’ Jack Daniels to help me pipe up — I told him that “he could take this job and stick it up his lazy, extra large, worn leather office chair, button imprinted, recliner shaped ass, and that I  hoped once in hell — he would be showered with gasoline every time the pain eased up even just a bit!”

Then I burst into tears like a toddler, and blamed my monthly visitor Aunt Flow, and returned to work.  ” Gosh why the hell can’t I walk away?” echoed endlessly in my mind….. Apparently my other voice, the one of reality and reason whispered “because it’s all you have, and your kids need to eat you selfish bitch — now get back to making money..” And yes I truly felt guilty about “almost quitting”, like working in that environment was a privilege or something — I know sick and twisted right? Well sadly that was just the beginning of voyage into warped thinking 101, with the Sin-dustry as my teacher…….

Survival of the fittest I guess, maybe some are just made to be soulless, non-conscientious, merciless, wretched, ravenous, spirit-crushing, sub-human’s by nature… But I prefer to believe there IS a better, and purer version that speaks the universal language of compassion, empathy, and love. For that is far better than the alternative……

HOPE IS ALL I HAVE — FAITH is my strength, even in my weakness, PERSERVERENCE is my mind-set — FREEDOM and STABILITY are my goal….

Till then heavy-hearted, shadowy grey slated dreams await me on the lumpy side of my pillow.

Told by:Heather Cornell

sexy oin up